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Remembering Jamie Hubley


Remembering Jamie Hubley

'He would put everybody else first and then worry about himself later'
Jamie Hubley was a young teen who loved music, singing and being with friends, but there was one thing that made him different – he was gay.

"He would make jokes about people making fun of him, but I knew that it hurt him. I think it was his way of dealing with it," says Hubley's close friend Stephanie Wheeler.

But Hubley couldn't deal with the homophobic bullying he was the target of, and, on Oct 14, he took his own life after leaving a suicide note online.

The message is heartbreaking: "being sad is sad. I've been like this for way too long. I can't stand school, I can't stand earth, I can't stand society, I can't stand the scars on my arms, I can't fucking stand any fucking thing."

Just one year earlier, Hubley was exploring his sexuality and coming to terms with the fact he was gay. It was at this time that he came out to Wheeler.

"I think it was a big step for him, but I think he was comfortable enough with me to know that I wouldn't say anything. He was not ready to tell everybody, but he was willing to tell certain people," Wheeler says.

When he was ready, Hubley came out to all his friends on Facebook. Wheeler says that after that he became "completely flamboyant" and would regularly update his status to read, "find me a boyfriend."

Hubley didn't find a boyfriend. Instead, he fell prey to bullies who made his life miserable.

"I think that right after he came out people started to tease him about it. He had been bullied before because people always had a suspicion, but as soon as he came out it was almost like a free ride to make fun of him," says Wheeler.

She says she tried stand up for him, but whenever she did, she was also bullied and called a lesbian. She dismisses the effect this had on her, saying that everyone is entitled to an opinion.

But Hubley couldn't dismiss ongoing verbal and cyber attacks, although he tried.

"The thing with Jamie is that he would usually turn the other cheek, and I think it helped a lot. The bullying went down when he didn't react to it," she says. "I guess it was on his Tumblr account where all of his anger came out. He used that as a way to try and deal with it instead of confronting people about it."

Hubley's Tumblr blog provides a series of painful snapshots of his life. Most of his postings were one-liners, but occasionally Hubley vented and let his feelings pour out. 

In one recent post he wrote, "I don't know if I'm annoying, embarrassing or they just don't like me. I hate being the only open gay guy in my school... it fucking sucks. I really want to end it. Like all of it, I'm not getting better, there's three more years of high school left."

Wheeler finds it hard to describe what Hubley was like.

"It's hard to describe him in one sentence. I couldn't even describe him in a novel. He was so colourful," she says. "My favourite thing about him was how he would put his problems aside for others -- put everybody else first and then worry about himself later."

It's too late to know what might have happened if Hubley had put himself first; all Wheeler knows is that she lost a friend and she hopes people will start looking out for each other.

"The fact that he was trying to reach out for so long and nobody was paying attention – I think that people really just need to start looking for things like that. Start looking for people who aren't accepted and welcome them in," she says.
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Im sorry
I feel terrible about jamies death. I nearly cried when i read about this. If i knew who did this I would march up to Ontario and curb stomp them dirtbag scum rats who did this ! :( .......
what is wrong with kids? Their parents!
Parents - what are you teaching your kids? why are they so hurtful? Why can't you teach them tolerance and love? To all the parents of bullies, you are the reason your children are monsters. Get the bullies and their parents help at AN EARLY AGE, before they get to the point of bullying. Teach them we are all equal in the eyes or God or whatever you all believe in. Please care for our youth - they are our future. Jamie, you were needed in heaven to help others. They knew you were a kind soul and took you so you won't have to hurt anymore. LOVE to your family.
Why Can't People stick up for eachother
I know it is hard to stick up for other people espesically when it comes to homaphobic remarks, bullying and many other things. I came out in my second year of college and it was scary but I had the suport of my friends and family. I would have came out earlier had I of not been teased and picked on for other things. It makes me sick to hear of all these suicides of teens due to all the bullying. We need people to openly stick up for there friends. If you are afraid of beeing bullied then go to an adult and talk to them get them to help you stick up for others. I know it is not easy but please do not let people tell you how to live your life. Go with your own beliefs. Being told it gets better is one of the worst feelings because things always seem to get worse after hearing thoes words. In stead of telling someone it gets better tell them to have faith in them selves and that you are there fopr them to talk to. Be open minded and never force them to go places they do not want to go. The best advice I can give to teens that are part of the gay community is stick up for your self we are the same as everyone else. No Body is perfect and everyone has the right to fall in love with whom ever they wish. People do not choose to be gay/BI/lesbian or transgender they are born that way. Talking about things is the best way to deal with your issues. I use to be one of those people that would bottle everything up and hold it all in and I would have break downs then one day people started asking me what was wrong and I began to be even more open. I sufferd from depression for years and one thing that helped me over come it was talking to people even when I really did not want to people always tryed to get me to talk and once i did let it all out I felt better. We are here on this earth to help eachother out. we can only be our best if we have some to be our best for. Believe in your self so other can believe in you and you can be the person you are intended to be. RIP Jamie.
What happens now...
remainder of What happens now?.....

Perhaps Jamie’s message was that through the darkest hour of a person’s life there is hope? If we can change a fraction of what goes on today then maybe, just maybe Jamie’s life will not be chalked up to some other depressed gay teenager.
Please reach out to your local youth groups, support groups and community groups. Share your stories. Share your ideas. You may not be able to physically make things change but your voice and your stories can help someone make those changes.
You owe that much to Jamie
What happens now?
The issue of bullying and mental illness has been a heavy weight on my mind this week. For good reason. Here is a young man who had a life that should have been filled with music, laughter and crazy stuff all teenagers do on weekends. It was, but sadly, being gay became so consuming rather than celebrated.
Our society is reactive. The problem of bullying and mental health in youth has been around for decades yet only when it hits too close to home do we want action to be taken.
Who was there when Jamie was trying to cope with the bullying in his life? What teachers tried to actually help him? He did have a network of family and friends that’s not what I’m getting at. If blatant bullying goes on who’s there to keep it in check? Who helps the bullies? If the bullies are the root of the problem then why are we not starting there?
I think that GSA’s in schools should be promoted; however, calling them something other than what they are is not helping. Rainbow Clubs or anything else waters down the message as to why these clubs exist…
It Gets Better. I find that whole campaign a joke. Did it get better for Jamie? No. It did not. And while we march around holding candles trying to rid ourselves of the guilt we all feel for the loss of Jamie’s life we need to ask ourselves who does it get better for? When I was 17 and I came out, I didn’t want someone to tell me that It Gets Better…. but only later in life….
It needs to get better now. By taking action, by appealing to the school board and the government to come up with better education plans on bullying, LGBT education, mental health and youth. It gets better now by going into schools and sharing positive stories about how other kids who did come out and who are ok. That school was actually a fun place to be.
Perhaps Jamie’s message was that through the darkest hour of a person’s life there is hope? If we can change a fraction of what goes on today then maybe, just maybe Jamie’s life will not be chalked up to som
Be the Second
Jamie's suicide, and his blog, reminds me of a video of a talk Derek Sivers gave at TED2010 about how important it is to be number two. Jamie talked over and over again on his blog about how alone he was, as the only out gay person at his school. He wasn't getting the friendship, camaraderie, and understanding that could only have come from the second out queer student. And he wasn't getting a chance to even ask to date anyone, because no other gay/bi boy was out. In a real sense, being the second person is as much of a leadership moment as being the first. Be the second.
I was door security that night but did not Talk to him. Maybe it does not hurt for next year and every other year to have literature asking kids if they know anyone thats having it hard to talk to someone. Speak up for your friend even if there scared, then talk to some one from pride as many have went through a lot of hate and bullying too. This child did not need psych care. He needed someone to relate to.
Verry sad Brittany
Who murdered Jamie Hubley ?
Who murdered Jamie Hubley
And Jamey Rodemeyer ?
And all the others before them, and many more to come.

I’ll tell you who’s behind the new modern day witch hunt; it’s the AFA, American Family Association Cult The very cult that’s set their site on Home Depot. Groups like this use the bible to hide behind and use it to try and heap their venom onto others. Just look around the guilty lurk every where. There’s a guilty one teaching the Sunday school class, and there’s another one behind the food counter, and one governing over our schools. There’s one walking down the public street on his way to buy from signs from home depot. Their working in the banks, stores, malls, churches, schools, in every work place on earth. The guilty are every where. The ones on the fore front with this hate mongering are their children. This is where the evil starts and spreads like cancer in the clean innocent minds of our babes. And this starts in the homes where the babes come home from the hospitals. Hate full evil minds start corrupting innocent young clean minds of their own innocent children from the very early stages of childhood changing who their children could have been. Parents continuing the ignorant cycle of abuse heaped upon their own children just like heaped upon them. Sounds like abuse to me!!!!!

Here are just a few quotes from your children's commenst on AOL you’ve trained in the art of hate mongering towards other children. Keep in mind this is only one of a million quotes. Thank God for spell check.

Cyber Attacks Continue
This guy is my friend's cousin and even now there are facebook pages making fun of Jamie. Pages made by the bullies that caused Jamie to commit suicide! They are still mocking him even after they caused him to die! If you see one of these pages, please report it.
We're all working hard to get rid of these homophobic and ignorant pages.
This should never have happened.
Being a victim of bullying myself, I totally feel for what these kids must be going through. Except there was no internet when I was growing up, so it's even more tough now, IMHO. My heart goes out to Jamie's family and friends and all victims of bullying.

Another phone line you can add in to your list is 211.

211 refers callers to all kinds of social service agencies and has a website users can search as well: www.211ontario.ca

We hope this can stop.


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