Killer pornstar! Thieving drag queens! Gay muppets!
BY ROB SALERNO - Police in Orlando have finally caught a trio of drag queens who had been terrorizing local costume and fabric shops for the last year.
The three young queens, pictured below and ages 18, 19 and 22, allegedly would come into the shops wearing wigs and multicoloured tights -- you know, to blend in. Then they'd swipe boas, gloves, yards of fabric, sequins and feathers, hiding them in their apparently very large man-purses before bolting for the door.
Said one store owner, "Oh, gosh, they could wipe out a whole section of boas in seconds."
One of the alleged thieves was spotted slipping the following into his purse: five packs of black feathers, two packs of red feathers, two packs of red lace gloves, two packs of black-and-red lace gloves, eyelashes, five bra pads, five butt pads, five gel inserts, as well as three handbags, two boas, three pairs of costume glasses and 10 bandannas.
As a child of the '90s, I want to post the video to Jane's Addiction's "Been Caught Stealing" here, but the record company has disabled embedding. You'll have to watch it on YouTube.
In less hilarious crime news, '90s gay pornstar Ryan Idol, real name Marc Anthony Donais, was convicted of attempted murder in Sacramento, California, this week. The 45-year-old actor was found guilty of attempting to murder his girlfriend by bludgeoning her with a porcelain toilet tank lid. Now that's a piece that was missing from my Clue set.
Idol rocketed to fame after his 1989 Playgirl centrefold, which led to starring roles in eight adult films, including Idol Eyes, Idol Worship, Idol in the Sky, Idol Thoughts, and Idol Country, for which Idol took home the GayVN Award for Best Actor. After retiring from porn in 1996, Idol tried to make a name for himself in the legit theatre.
Idol now faces up to 15 years in prison. It's a surprising turn of events for the actor, even if he does look a lot like Patrick Bateman.
Finally, on the lighter side of the news, Sesame Street decided to teach children about the letter G by making a parody of the show Glee. It's just about the gayest thing I've ever seen on the show, and that includes Liberace's appearances.
It's cute how they've included just enough mocking throwaway lines to keep the adults entertained, although I did gag a bit when the Geerios insisted that G stands for "gyrate." But here's the thing: just one month after insisting that muppets cannot have sexual orientations in response to petitions to have Bert and Ernie tie the knot, the Chris Colfer muppet sure is, well... what's that other word that starts with G? Not glam... not glorious... not groovy...
Oh yeah. GAY!